Every child is so very different. For example, we currently have a teen who doesn’t talk much at all or show any emotions. We also have a younger girl who can talk for England! You know what she is thinking and feeling at all times because she happily tells you.
You can never prepare for things to be a particular way because all the children have their own individual needs.
After being unable to have children of our own, Karen and I decided to explore fostering. Being a social worker, Karen already had knowledge of how fostering works and it seemed like a good option for us.
I was self-employed as a handyman/builder at the time. Work was very hit and miss and I was generally fed up. I gave up my job and am the main foster carer. I think it’s quite unusual for a man to be the main carer, but I love what I do and that I’m making a difference in these children’s lives.
We found the assessment process to be long but straight forward. Having a great assessing social worker helped along with Karen’s prior knowledge of the information that would be needed.
The panel meeting was hard for me! I cannot stand public speaking, so it was really nerve wracking. I just wanted to melt into the ground. Being in the building trade meant that I wasn’t used to speaking in front of people at all, so meetings etc. can be tough. Saying that, everyone was very pleasant to us during the panel meeting. It wasn’t like an interrogation or anything like that and everyone was very supportive. It was my personal fear that made it hard.
Once we were approved, it was around four months until we had our first placement. During this time referrals were coming through, but they needed more experienced carers which meant we weren’t chosen for quite a while.
When our first placement arrived at our home, the feeling was indescribable. We talk about how strange it is to bring a new baby home, but this is on another level. You have a human being there in front of you to care for who already has their own personality. It’s a good, but very strange feeling. I knew it would be hard for them, so I just tried to be as natural as possible. I kept the conversation going, showed them around the house and we had a drive around the neighbourhood so that they could get their bearings.
Every child is so very different. For example, we currently have a teen who doesn’t talk much at all or show any emotions. We also have a younger girl who can talk for England! You know what she is thinking and feeling at all times because she happily tells you.
Family and friends at first thought that we were mad when we told them we were becoming foster carers, but they are now really proud of us. They are proud to tell people that we are foster carers and proud to help out whenever they can. They feel a part of how we are helping. My stepchildren are back up carers and my dad just adores the children. The normality of the family helping out and being part of their lives in this way is something the kids absolutely thrive on.
There are many stand out moments of being foster carers, but the one that gets us the most is with L. When she first arrived with us, she had no friends and struggled to make eye contact. She spent her first Christmas Carol Service stood in the corner with ear defenders on crying which was awful. We have cared for L for two years now and she had five placement breakdowns previously before coming to us. This last term, she had a big singing and dancing part in the Christmas play which was incredible! I don’t mind saying how emotional that was to see. She has lots of friends now and is very popular at school. She also has just got a speaking part in The Sound of Music. The difference now that she has settled in really is amazing.
I would say it’s very rewarding, but it’s also very different to what you initially think it will be like. It’s different to bringing up your own kids, but not in a bad way. The children don’t instantly like you. You can’t expect them to come into your home and do everything how you do things. You have to be flexible and be able to bend a little. There’s always a honeymoon period and then the work starts in being able to gradually build that trust. You have to remember that the adults in their lives before may have made bad choices for them. Why should they instantly then trust an adult? It’s not something that just happens overnight, you have to earn that trust.
The best thing about fostering is making and seeing a difference in kids' lives. Seeing them progress is so satisfying. I used to get job satisfaction from plastering a wall well, I now get job satisfaction from making a child happy. You just can’t compare!
Start the conversation today. Our team of friendly advisors are on hand to answer any foster care questions you may have. We can offer you honest and practical advice that can help you decide if becoming a foster carer is the right path for you.
