Meet Ann

You know the phrase ‘Never judge a book by its cover’?

Well, it’s thanks to that advice that I now have two foster boys living with me who I feel so proud of.

Take my youngest foster son, S, who’s now 10.

When I was approached about fostering him two years ago, I have to admit that on paper he looked like hard work.

He’d recently spent his first month in care in not one, or two, but three temporary placements.

And I can’t lie - learning that those foster families couldn’t handle him put me off a bit.

I don’t know what made me offer to have him come to live with us. But I’m so glad I did.

S has autism, and when he arrived he was non-verbal and still in nappies.

Foster Care UK guided me and gave me a lot of support. And early into his stay a SEN expert told me: ‘The best thing you could do for S is to persevere and get him out of nappies. It’ll change his life’.

I could see how much nappies were restricting him. When you’re out and about there aren’t many places you can change an older child. And it wasn’t a nice experience for him, either.

I’d toilet trained my own three birth children, all grown up now: Megan, 24, Charlie, 22 and Alex, 20.

So, I set about trying to train S too. I persevered and he only took about a month to get dry in the daytime. I’m so proud of him for finally being able to overcome that hurdle.

In a funny way, the pandemic may also have helped. He arrived in February 2020, a month before lockdown hit.

We had lots of time to get to know each other. S didn’t go to school, and didn’t do the same amount of home schooling as other children, so we bonded really well.

My oldest daughter Megan has moved out, but my middle daughter, Charlie, and son, Alex, are still at home with me.

At the start, S was classed as non-verbal. We’re a pretty chatty family and that’s helped him as a few months into his time with us he started saying more and more.

Although S can’t hold a conversation, he has a lot of simple words to communicate some of his needs.

It was another case of ‘needing to read between the lines’ when it came to fostering my second foster child, too.

A is 16 and is high-functioning on the autistic spectrum.

I’ll admit I was put off when I found out that his last foster placement had broken down badly. But when I met him he was so lovely, and so he moved in with us nine months after S had arrived. Just like S, he’s now become part of our family.

Like many foster carers with older birth children, naturally I’d involved them in the decision to start fostering three years ago.

I’d worked as a nanny for many years and had really enjoyed it. And although I knew fostering would be different, having extra space at home made me want to use what I had to help other children who’d been less fortunate than mine.

My youngest birth child, Alex, was 17, when I started and it seemed like a perfect time as he was now a little less dependent on me.

Through my fostering package with A I have 14 nights respite a year. Plus I have a little extra on top of that with S - every eight weeks I can take a weekend off.

But as my daughter Charlie is my nominated carer she can look after the boys at home while I go away.

Her boyfriend Chris also lives with us, who works with children as his day job. They’re both a great support. And A and S being able to stay at home means they have more stability rather than needing to go somewhere else.

I do need that time off to just get out of the house and recharge. I might go back to the north west where I’m from for the weekend, or visit friends in a different part of the country.

The hope is for A to move back in with one of his birth parents at some time in the future, which will be a good outcome. But S’s plan is to stay living with me until he’s at least 21.

For anyone interested in fostering, I’d urge them to ‘never judge a book by its cover’ like me. It turns out that both my foster sons are lovely souls that just needed stability - and I’m glad to work hard to make a difference for them.