17th October, 2024
The first night in a new foster home can be a nervous occasion for all involved. It’s perfectly normal for new foster carers to feel anxious about having a new young person come to stay – they’re diving into the unknown. Of course, no one could possibly be more apprehensive than the young person who’s essentially leaving the only family they’ve ever known and going to live with strangers.
With that in mind, as a foster carer, the pressure is on to make that first night as warm and welcoming as possible to help them feel right at home.
We’ve got you covered with some of our top tips for making that first night a memorable one for all the right reasons.
Of course, they’ll have their own bedroom but it’s important that you let them know that their room is wholly theirs. One of our families goes as far as to keep spare plaques handy to put the child’s name on the door – from the first moment they know they have a safe space.
It can be a fine balance on that first night between trying to get to know them and overwhelming them. Even the simplest of questions, like, what’s your favourite food? might be difficult to answer for a looked after child. It’s hard to know to the full extent what they’ve been through and if they’re often hungry. Rather than open ended questions, for the first night keep it light… Do you like pizza? Is often a winner. Another of our fostering families swears by take aways for the first night, they’re communal, neutral territory and most children will always say yes to pizza.
Mealtimes are great neutral territory. It brings the whole family together and gives the new addition the opportunity to say as little or as much as they feel confident to do so. Other than that, give them some space. Some time to explore their room. But, as one foster carer pointed out, do invite them to join the family in the shared living space, as they’ve had foster children feel like they should stay out of sight in their room.
Another of our fostering families keeps their spare bedroom neutrally decorated so that when a child comes they can make it their own. Telling them, ‘This is yours now. Think about how you might like it to look.’ Helps give them a sense of control.
While you might not want to hit them with every house rule on the first night, go over the basics. Do you wear shoes in the house? Are they able to help themselves to a snack or should they ask? Do you have prayer times? Simple basics help them get the lay of the land and feel more confident in their new surroundings.
Time and time again we hear from our fostering families how beneficial fostering is for the whole family. If you have children already in the home, be sure to make them part of the welcoming process. A lovely idea we’ve had from our foster carers is that their children always pick out a new teddy for the young person, it helps them feel involved and the new child has something that’s theirs for when they arrive.
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